i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize