i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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