oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
