I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
