i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
