went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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