I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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