First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
