i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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