if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
