twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
