I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
