wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
