My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
we're making bets on your personal life
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
