i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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