you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
