i don't like sucking hair
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
