I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
