Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It's just like the Real World with babies
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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