he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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