I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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