FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
