Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
