i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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