I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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