I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Ladies don't puke and tell
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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