I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
