she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
