Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
