if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
