I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
