I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize