But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
