I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize