my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
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Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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