Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
