Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
