i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
