he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
