Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
