His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
