yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
