He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
