So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
