So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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