Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
