apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
