Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
