I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
