how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm at about main and main street
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Randomize
