He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It's official drugs can't kill me
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
