apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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