So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
