i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
