So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
