we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
PANTIES FOUND
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