Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
