So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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