I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
