just tell him i said nine months
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
