i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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