Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
