It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
