I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
